Insomnia Fever

what happened to me last night???

i couldn't sleep all night long... not only last night... since holidays, i could sleep at least 4 hours each day, but last night (the worst i think) i really couldn't sleep at all...
my head was full of thoughts 'bout balikpapan, pingu, crista, midterm, hmt paper, christmas, choir, science 1, vanellasasia, family, committee, and myself...
(it seemed like crista...)
but, the most disturb thing was... MOSQUITO!!!!
huaaaaa!!! there was only one mosquito... but, it really2 disturbed me...
i also tried to study... but my eyes were too heavy... so, what i did last night was just...
laid on my bed, and thought about those things (i tried too sleep, but failed)

my head was dizzy, and i must get up at 6...
i hadn't study yet, just a little (because there was black out last night, so i couldn't study at all)
as a result, today i can't concentrate... i can't answer the questions well
i wanna cry... huhuhuhuhuhuhu
how about today? will i get the insomnia again???

however, when i thought about those things last night, i really disappointed 'bout myself...
i always said i wanna be better than before, but i think, i never go on better...
i tried to become a people who can make people happy, but i think i'm lying to myself T T
what i do, what i say, what i've done, never make people around me satisfy, useless
i don't have any courage to think positive 'bout myself... it become a fear for me to go on further...
but, i always try to move on, do the best, like mona said, "ignore them! u just try to do your best! ok??" maybe it will work, i wish... CHERISH ^ ^

Welcome Midterm!

So tired today...

Doing HMT's paper, drama's essay are enough to make me can't breathe...
Actually, i'm not ready for this midterm, still wanna go out and having fun. i really hate holiday before test, it drives me so lazy. besides, 1 week holiday is too short and extremely boring! so pathetic... i was all alone at my boarding house, all of my friend from the same floor were going home. aaah, i also want to go home, but why the ticket was really expensive, huh??
hix... i still want the holiday.... TT

however, i must be ready for this midterm, i have to pass all of the subject. the australian studies "tragedy" has made me crazy. just fighting and... WELCOME MIDTERM!

by the way, october is already came, right? it means the month of anniversaries has came...
1st : grace
5th : pingu
6th : cung2
7th : yasmine
8th : ce'karin
9th : sari
12th : mercy
13th : prisil
16th : rico
17th : henny
18th : chris n' tina
19th : lora n' mutiara
20th : c'lucy
21st : vonny chandra
23rd : angela
25th : pa kur & bun2
and so on....
i wonder if my birthday also in october... aaah, so happy...

and last... what happened today?????
my internet connection is really slow... AAARRRGGGH!
unable to download, watch youtube, browse, chat, upload, and so on as usual
hix... maybe this is the best way, so that i'll be more concentrate in my midterm...
yea, hope i can do the midterm this time better...

keep fighting! CHERISH^ ^

Future?? Mm...

Waktu kerja kelompok HMT kemaren sama si Sari n' Pat, entah nyambung dr mana, kita langsung ngomong soal future, ga lama2 sih, cm sepintas gitu. Tapi itu buat aq jd mikir, iy y?? maw jadi ap ntar y. Jujur aj aq masi blum begitu mikirin (pdahal ud smster 3), uda ada ancang2, tapi masi gk taw lagi...

Dan gr2 itu juga sepintas aq jadi inget obrolan waktu masi SMA sm temen2ku dari IPA 1. Waktu itu kt lagi kena jam kosong, dn ank2 pada ngumpul d ujung, dan kt ngobrol2 soal mo jadi ap kita nantiny, dan tentu aj, GAK SERIUS LAH... Konyol banget malah... Kalo gk salah percakapanny kayak gni :

Agung : "Meg, ntar km jd ambil hukum?"
Megi : "Jadi lah!"
Botu : "Aaaah megi gaya... Mo jadi pengacara diany..."
(Tiba2 smua omongan ngelantur...)
Agung : "Eh2, klo henny? Ntar jadi ap y?"
Mulia : "Itu loh, tukang masak di restoran cina... Haiaaaa..."
Henny : "Hah? Koq tukang masak si?"
Mulia : "Iyalah... Kamu kan hantu cina..."
Ank2 : (Ngakak)
Botu : "Kalo si eka, ntar pas gede, aq bakal ketemu dy di jalanan..."
Eka : "Weh! Teganya...!"
Botu : "Iy, ntar dijalanan dy jual CD (bkn celana dalam, red.)... Ayo! Ayo! Beli! Beli! 5000 satu!"
Nica : "Kalo chin?"
Botu : "Bah! Chin gak usah ditanya! Profesor dianya!"
Nica : "Eta? Eta?"
Agung : "Eta? Ikut kompetisi..."
Windy : "Kompetisi apaan?"
Agung : "Catur se-kecamatan."
Ank2 : (Ngakak)
dan smuany berlanjut sampe ke profesi ank2 satu kelas yg ditebak se-ngawur-ngawurny...

Kita juga pernah ngomongin soal future yg lain, waktu itu saking kt ngerasa kita ini satu keluarga, ank2 berencana kalo uda gede maw buka restoran bareng... Dan smua ank2 ditempatkan sesuai jurusan yg mreka ambil wktu kuliah nanti... Lucu banget sih, sayang aq lupa...

Aq gak tau ap sekarang jurusan yg mereka ambil masih sm kyk yg kt biacarain wktu SMA dlu, but I trust that they chose the best for them... Entah apapun jurusan itu... Dan nanti waktu kita ketemu, kita smua uda jadi orang sukses, smuany bisa ceritain pekerjaan masing2 dg bangga... Amen!


Hope you be the best, guys!

By the way, lagi2 aq dapet satu teguran dr Tobi, dy bilang,
Don't ever think to make people understand your feeling, but think how to understand the other's. Everyone wants to be understood, but who will understand them?

Honestly, it made me think further last night. Until now, I'm still too egoist about myself, I wanna be understood and always think negative. Maybe, that's why I am always sad, angry, and disappointed to everything around me, and it just make me not comfortable... Thanks for Tob to remind me about that. CHERISH ^^!

Last Monday Surprise

Rencanaku ma tmn2 (ella-melda-pat-sari) bwt ngasi surprise ke Vania hari Senen kemaren, GAGAL TOTAL. Ga gagal-gagal banget si, tapi ya tetep aj, yg nmny sebelum nyanyi happy birthday to you, tapi udah ketahuan ma yg ultah kn ya, garink banget seh... swt '...

Padahal rencana yg disusun udah mantep banget, apek bantuan maminy Vava segala, perjuanganny jg udah mati2an... Kt dateng kerumahny jam 11.30 a.m, uda gitu sampe dsana pake acara nyasar segala, ngotot bgt ma supir taksiny, sok-sok tahu gang-ny yg mana, pdhl... s-a-l-a-h...
Berhubung gengsi, di bawah panas terikny Surabaya yg bkin gila itu, aq, mel, ma ella jln kaki ke rumahnya Vania, sari ma pat enak bgt, naek motor (seandainy ad motor yg bs muat 5 org...). Ud gitu, sampe disana, kt mesti nunggu lama2 soalny mamany Vava gk ngangket2 telpon dr kita... Kueny sampe meleleh... Ud kayak orang sinting, pake bawa2 pizza, org2 mungkin mikir "delivery model bru ya mbak?"
Tapi... kenapa malah gagal??? Ternyata waktu kt ngumpet2, si Vava ngeliat si Patris, waduh ternyata, sekatny gak mampu menyaingi gede badanny patris (Gomen, Pat!)
Tapi adek cowony Vava ngebelain kt tuh, dy blng ke Vava, "Ce, kenapa td kamu noleh? Harusny td cece d atas aj!" Kt ketawa2 swt...


Si kue yg nyaris meleleh...

Dan lagi2 aq dibikin takut ma anjing... Ternyata Vava pny anjing!!! Tp untungny thu anjing pendiam, melo2 gitu. Abiz diceritain ma Vava, ya ampun, thu anjing nasibny... TRAGIS BANGET~
Matany rabun, tubuhny lemah, udah tua soalnya. abiz gitu suka melo2, soalny dy dipisahin ma yg paling dy sayangin (anjing jg, red.) ce i laaaah! Jadi kalo makan gitu dy mesti disuapin. Waduh, anjing perasaanny kuat jg ya, kyk manusia, tapi tetep aj, AKU GK BERANI!!! Aaaaaa!


Di doggy yg tragis bgt nasibny...

Sambil nunggu, mama Vava selesai masak, Vava ngasi liat album2 fotony waktu dy masi kecil dlu, dan... Kyaaaaaa, aq jadi kangen masa kecilku! Sayang, kenapa aq gk pny album masa kecil jg ya... Kalopun ad, entah kemana uda...
Tapi dengan ngeliat album foto itu, rasany koq nusuk bgt y, pengen nanya, "kemana eka yg dlu??" ya ampun, aq inget banget (ehm, bknny sombong), dlu aq alim bgt, ank baik2, nilai ipa aj 100 mulu... Sungguan! Aq jg inget kalo dlu aq sama skali gak gampang nyerah, rajin, lha... sekarang??? Entah gimana cara kembali kyk dlu, sekarang aq terlalu melo, gampang sakit hati, dn keburukan2 lain d, tapi aq waktu aku nonton Gokusen 3 td, ad kata2n yg nancep bgt sm aq, si yankumi blng,
"No one can change yesterday, but we can change tomorrow. Everyone must be get hurt, but it's not the reason to not go on further... and the most important, how to realize our sins and repented. "

Ok, paling gk itu bs jadi pacuanku utk lebih maju, dan gk melo2 terus... CHERISH^^!

WHO AM I???

I am useless...
I am nothing...
I am no one...
I am alone...
I am meaningless...
I am exaggerated...
I am annoying...
I am ...

WHO AM I????

They said, "Don't worry, you still have me..."
They said, "You must be strong..."
They said, "You are not alone..."
They said, "You are good..."
They said, "You have positive side..."
They said, "We are friend, right?"
They said, "I know, you can!"
They said, "Come on!"

However, what they said, just totally LIES...
They said that just to encourage me, after that?
Just make me laugh...

How can I believe them?
I always try to believe, always look at myself first, but...
I cannot understand at all, HOW TO SOLVE IT??
for them... WHO AM I???
Thus, I won't trust them anymore, 'cause I know what is the best for me...

CODE BLUE

Baru2 ini aq lagi nonton satu dorama Jepang terbaru, jdlny... CODE BLUE


Main actor : Tomohisa Yamashita (Nobuta wa Produce)
Main Actress : Yui Aragaki (Koizora), Erika Toda (Death Note 2)

Honestly, aq bela-belain beli drama yg satu ini cm karena pemainny, satu cakep satu cantik
SWT ya? Tapi setelah ku tonton, ternyata drama yg satu ini bner2 bgus, mnurutku...
Seru dan menarik...
Jarang2 ad drama yg mengangkat tema dr dunia kedokteran...

Ceritany overall tentang 4 dokter muda yg lagi ikut training utk doctor heli...
Ap si dokter heli itu? Jadi gni, sekarang RUU Jepang lagi merancanakan adanya dokter heli, karena itu dorama ini kurang lebih kyk jadi kyk promosi dr pemerintah Jepang ke wargany ttg rencana dr dokter heli ini sendiri. Dokter heli itu dokter yg datang langsung dr rumah sakit untuk ngasi pertolongan pertama bwt pasien yg sudah gawat darurat dengan menggunakan helikopter, menurutku si, mungkin tujuanny supaya si penderita yg sudah terlalu amat sangat kritis, bs segera dpt pertolongan pertama secepatny. Kalo sudah mendingan, langsung d bawa ke rumah sakit. Kn seperti yg kt taw, banyak penderita2 yg biasany meninggal duluan sebelum nyampe rumah sakit, ato pasien yg menderita kyk kejepit sesuatu, sampe gk bisa d keluarin... Jadi, para dokter ini bakal langsung sampe ke tempat tujuan dlm hitungan menit stelah dihubungin. Really interesting, isn't it?

Mm, jujur aja sih, waktu nonton film ini aq kadang2 ngerasa merinding jg... Ternyata, seperti itukah dunia kedokteran? Tapi, aq bner2 ga rugi beli film yg satu ini. Nilai moral g bs ku dpt bner2 bnyak...
Di drama ini kt juga ngeliat bagaimana proses yg dialami dokter2 muda itu yg membawa mereka mjd lebih dewasa, entah dr kegagalan, ato dr keadaan sosial sang pasien. Contohnya, slh satu dr dokter muda tersebut, mendapat tugas pertamany untuk menghubungi keluarga slh satu pasien, soalny dy gagal melakukan FAST, dy ngambek dan melakukan tugas pertamany itu main2, tapi lama kelamaan dy tugas pertamany ni dy dapat suatu pelajaran yg membuat dy berubah. Mo taw ap? -nonton aj ndiri...- Dan masi bnyk lagi kejadian2 lain yg bkin aq terharu n' jleb banget rasany... ahahahahaha

Yah, itulah alasan kenapa aq lebih milih drama Jepang ketimbang korea/taiwan...
Mereka berani untuk mengangkat tema yg gak umum, cerita yg gk umum, dan selalu punya nilai moral dibalik drama mereka. Kita pun jg taw, orang2 jaman sekarang, kalo drama gak ad cerita cintanya, rasany gak enak bgt, ktanya si kayak sayur tanpa garam. Tapi toh ternyata, Jepang bs buat drama yg gk melulu memusatkan cerita mereka sm cinta2an yg menurutku udah terlalu umum bgt, tapi drama itu tetep menarik n asik bwt ditonton. Gak kyk drama korea ato taiwan (maap bwt para fansny) yg isiny dipusatkan sm cinta2an yg ud umum skali, yg endingny ud ketebak... Awalny aq suka si, tapi lama2 bosan jg kan... Rasany drama yg kyk gitu cm bisa jd hiburan tp gk bs jd sesuatu yg bs memotivasi...
Jadi inget waktu ke atum kemaren...

Mbak'e : "Mo cari drama ap, Nik?"
Eka : "Ummm..."
Mbak'e : "Yang ini nih Nik, drama Taiwan, critany bgus, si cewe ank orang kaya, trus yg cowo ank org miskin..."
Eka : "Ooooh..."
Mbak'e : "Nonik, sukany ap? Korea? Taiwan?
Eka : "Hehe, Jepang mbak..."

Fuh, lg2 crita yg kyk gitu, cape de...

Gmn? Maw cb nonton CODE BLUE jg?? Hehe Pkoe gk nyesel d, bgus! :)

Bad Mood Again...

Penat... Mules... Sebel... Melo...
Smuanya jadi satu hari ni...

Padahal tadi sampe latian PSU, aq masi smangat '45... Ceria bgt...
Sampe pada akhirnya mulailah PJ...
OK, aq g nyalahin PJ... Cm entah kenapa mulai dr sana mood-ku langsung brubah, suasana hati rasanya g enak bgt, jengkel terus bawaanny
Parahny, aq g taw mesti marah sm sapa.
Mm, sebenerny bukan g taw, tapi takut nge-judge sembarangan aj, pas taw2 aq yg salah y ap...
Hukz, mungkin gr2 itu kalik y, g taw mesti marah sm sapa, g taw salah sapa, g taw sebenerny ap, smuany serba gk taw, akhirny numpuk jdi satu, en... begini deh!

Sebelumny sori bgt bwt Sastra Inggris... Entah kenapa saya jenuh padamu... (Halah)
Bukan karena mata kuliah, emank si makin susah, tapi NO PROBLEMO... I still can handle it well...
Yet, the problem is... THE ATMOSPHERE...
G taw kenapa, aq slama ini lbh sering melo ketimbang hepi-ny di Sasing, tapi aq jg sama skali g nyalahin tmn2ku dsana, pengenny si introspeksi diri, sapa taw ad sesuatu d aq-ny sendiri yg mengakibatkan aq g bs cocok sm mereka, tapi... APA???
Dari dlu mpe skarang nyari jawabanny g ketemu mulu...
Malah yg bkin tambah bingung, kalo memang it smua krn dr aq-ny ndiri, kenapa aq bs betah d paduan suara??? Hayoo, d Background jg... Huh! Stres, kalo gini terus, aq g bakal bs bertahan d Sasing... Tapi... Aaah, amit2! Jangan sampe. HOWEVER, HOW TO SOLVE IT???!!!
SUPER BLANK!

Last, I just wanna say, God pliz give me the answer... And for who read this post... Pliz give me your advice... I really need it... :'(